Black Lives Matter

If anyone feels bothered by the title you need to reevaluate your character. This movement has been the hashtag of many cases in regards to police brutality for the past year. I’m unable to turn on television or open my social media accounts without reading about the murder of blacks by the hands of police. I often see videos of white police officers beating black people who are already on the ground and unarmed. I just saw a video of a young black male who was cornered by police, put his hands up, got on the ground then an officer started kicking him in the face and the other officer proceeded to join in on the assault. This altercation resulted in a broken jaw among other injuries. I saw another video of a bunch of young teens and pre-teens girls being put in a choke hold by male officers. I’m not sure what happened but the children were at a swimming pool wearing bathing suits. This one specific girl in the video looked to have weighed only 110 pounds. This 12 year old girl and her peers sustained alarming injuries. Why is it okay for a white man to beat on black children? The fact that these children are black makes it acceptable? If this had been white children this would not have occurred. Any other circumstance if a little girl is beaten by an adult man he is labeled a coward and an abuser, he will go to jail but these cops are applauded or given paid leave.  Tell me why is it necessary to beat someone who is unarmed and on the ground, with their hands up or handcuffed? It drains me to watch these videos and see the comments that basically say big deal who cares, if they had put their hands up, not spoken back, if they had not been thugs or troublesome the police would not have killed them or beat them.

I won’t pretend some blacks are not criminals but they get beaten or killed when they cooperate or never have a gun or any other weapon. I watched a pregnant woman get slammed on her stomach after not providing identification for a parking dispute. She repeatedly told him she was pregnant but he hated her so much he probably wanted to kill her child just because she was born black. Even when blacks do nothing we are arrested the Sandra Bland case shows that. She got arrested for smoking a cigarette in her car and expressing her right to smoke. After she was handled roughly she died in prison. Although it was ruled a suicide I do not believe it especially since the cop who arrested her was fired from his old job for racism. What do you say about the Charleston shooting were the people in the church deserving of being shot in church? What was their crime? Did the senator deserve that? Was he a “thug”? The saddest part about this is that Dylan Roof was treated with respect after he was suspected of killing 9 people. He was protected and even said to have been giving a bullet proof vest and shielded by the police. I even heard they gave him Burger King. If these incidents do not show you America is dealing with racism in the police force what will. They basically congratulated him for murdering innocent blacks. This man burned American flags on his social media he should be labeled a terrorist but because he isn’t Muslim he is only labeled a shooter.

We have to do better as Americans. We cannot turn a blind eye like Raven Simone does who shockingly cannot understand the plight of non-wealthy African Americans even though she is black herself. Saying black lives matters means we want to be treated fairly in the justice system, and not be abused or killed due to racism. Please don’t say All Lives Matter of course it does but blacks are only about 13% of the population but are killed, harrassed, or  beaten at a percentage much higher than any race. No one lives in fear of the police like most black people do. They instill more fear than any serial killer could because if we die many don’t care or feel it is justified our blood has no value. No one chooses to be black we are born this way. We didn’t come by chose so please spare me the go back to Africa speech we have no idea where in Africa we are from but since we are here we deserve fair treatment, the right to live, to walk, to drive, to give birth, and to be protected just as others have… BlackLivesMatter

Our Dance

 We like to dance with each foot following the other

I embrace you with open arms seeking caress

I lean forward to kiss you, you turn away

I see your sly smile, you love to tease me

Just as I walk away in anger you grab my arm

you swing me close to you my breath is heavy

I gaze into your eyes that, smile back at me

As I engage longer in this affair your heart melts

when I step closer to you, you pull away

yet, as I stumble and fall you catch me

Hearts yearning for the same lips

Eyes staring imagining the same thoughts

You twirl me in a circle I unravel

You tell me you don’t like to dance

but I know you had many partners

I know you only like to dance with me

I know your heart  yet your mouth tells lies

I know that because when the music stops…

You seal the night with a longing kiss

Even if I cannot say it

Even though we joke around

I can’t keep it in much longer

These feelings take the most of me

I feel them getting much stronger

I pass my true feelings off as jokes

But when you laugh I feel ashamed

Holding in the truth just drives me insane

When you flirt with me I hope it’s your feelings

I hope one day you say no it’s the truth

kiss me on the lips so gently and say…

baby I can’t live without you

I just cannot keep you in my heart

by pretending were just friends

I’ll be crushing on you forever

From, your love sick friend

What happened to Sandra Bland?

We can never truly get into the mind of Sandra Bland. Her last thoughts, her last wish, what was she thinking before she died. This story like many others in the last year has re-awakened my “conscious” mindset. I cannot remove myself. I cannot turn a blind eye to it. I cannot pretend to know Sandra Bland what I have seen is videos on her social media. She reminds me much of myself in regards to speaking out against racial inequality. From what I saw of her video she was outspoken, informed and told things as they were.

We do not have a verdict nor a trial but I find it ironic that she was put in a separate cell, some speculate the police wanted to deal with her on their own after she supposedly assaulted an officer. Southern police have a long history of violating the rights of blacks and worse killing them. How many times is this going to happen? The circumstances behind her detainment puzzle me. If she was pulled over for missignaling why did it result into an altercation? Thanks to a passerby who witnessed the police arrest we hear Bland’s screams while being detained. The video shows her yelling that her head was slammed against the ground and she couldn’t hear. This supposed suicide sounds hard to believe. This woman spent only spent 3 days in jail and kills herself ? Even if she why did she feel so broken down she could no longer go on? I guess this is a different kind of strange fruit.

Does Love Exist?

I often hear someone say they are in love and months later they are removing pictures off of their Facebook, and Instagram  and posting hate messages about the other person. We throw around this topic of love like it’s a fad but rarely is it true love. I do not know exactly what love is. So often I see messed up relationships were the two claim to be in love but the relationship is toxic and only held together by the passions of the flesh. For these reasons, I wonder if love exist. As little girls we are fed these stories of a prince charming adding to our happiness or saving us from some type of pain in our lives yet when we grow up Prince Charming turns out to be a liar, manipulator or a cheater. I have seen this occurring in countless relationships.

In my opinion, women  seem to be the person in relationships who are madly in love yet their boyfriends or husbands seem detached or are cheaters. Which brings me to my second question: Do men love the same as women?  I see countless men living with wives or girlfriends but will step out on them without a second thought. Most men even act as if it should be accepted as if he is the only person with hormones. Some men make a joke of having two girls at once. They brag about getting caught and lying to their girlfriends or wives about ending their unfaithful ways only to cheat the next week. We are living in a side chick culture. The word has become well known and used in memes all over social media. Due to, this women start to believe being faithful is pointless. Some women feel you are either going to be faithful and get cheated on or be smart and have your own fun. In addition, we are living in a Y.O.L.O. culture we cannot find fulfillment in one person although we don’t want love many men and women are seeking hook ups to erase the nagging pain of loneliness.  While others, want love but cannot get it from their partners, some fall out of love, while others are guarded too afraid to be hurt again. But despite all of these negatives we sometimes find a rare couple who has been together for some time and they are faithful, honest and respectful. Then one is forced to think about it’s existence once more and think to themselves; “Will I find love ?” Does love exist?

Black and Patriotic?

After I see more and more news about blacks being shot down by police, or hear stories about blacks receiving higher mortgage rates, the KKK planning rallies to keep the Confederate flag I become frustrated and feel lost. Recently, I saw a video about black students stomping the American flag. This new challenge is called the Eric Shepphard Challenge. During the video I hear the white news reporter say something along the lines of if you don’t like it you can leave. Which sounds very familiar to Donald Trump’s comment “if black lives don’t matter then go back to Africa”. It’s crazy we live in a country that hangs a flag that symbolizes hate, racism and slavery and yet question why would any black person hate “your” country. Hmmm. We’ll if someone was enslaved, let free but still after over hundred years they are killed, incarcerated and ridiculed for their culture and when they ask for equal rights they are told, go back to Africa. Africa is not a country. Black people didn’t want to leave Africa nor do we know where we are from in Africa. Nor do we speak any of those African languages because our ancestors were killed if they tried to maintain their culture. So how ridiculous is it to wonder why a black person who’s ancestors helped build most of our monuments and most respected buildings could be upset with foul treatment in 2015.

As for leaving  America, I will say our family has been here for hundreds of years. America is all I know. I know nothing of my heritage of Africa. Do we ask gays to leave when they fight for civil rights or white women when they are fighting against sexism? Therefore no, I and other blacks can say we don’t like America as it is. No one should what is disgusting is we condemn Muslims, harass Mexicans and murder the black youth and then have the nerve to say we are the land of the free. Who is truly free? With such bold statements we should truly uphold these words instead of deflecting an obvious truth that we do not live by them. We care more about a cloth flag then the freedom of humans? We worry more about the symbol of liberty then maintaining it. When America stops repeating history with racist stunts like church burning then I can say I’m black and a proud American. Because saying it now would just be blind.

A letter to my killers by me

Standing here at this party and I ask myself

Why am I here? You don’t belong.

As I attempt to join the conversation,

my voice falls on deaf ears.

You are nothing, invisible.

The only time you are seen is

when it’s time to ridicule.

They laugh at my big eyes my cursed skin

Right now I pray god allows me to disappear

I should have never come here what was I thinking?

She loves me with the same level of hate

She screams at me, I scream back.

I cannot take it anymore, my mind is spinning.

This must surely be the start of a breakdown.

I feel like nothing, idol threats of harming me

for minor offenses, all the rage of bitterness.

He kisses me and the cafeteria full of ridiculers fade,

those full lips of reassurance tell me

Your safe with me forever until…

Seasons change, screams of my incapability,

He is her, She is him, it confirms I am unlovable

I sit in a room of silence as he ignores me

He brings me up and then floors me

I beg for his attention I am his slave

begging for my last chance to belong.

It was all a trick, no would ever love me.

Tears of rejection fall on familiar sheets

Their voices scream at me in their absence

Helpless like a small girl of 5 years of age

I feel like nothing all too accustom

to ignored phone calls and unread messages

Silent treatment feels worse than the screams.

He surely broke me with his silence.

As she beat me with her screams,

and they hung me with their ridicule

The falsely beloved martyr

and at my funeral they will say…

They loved me.