A letter to my killers by me

Standing here at this party and I ask myself

Why am I here? You don’t belong.

As I attempt to join the conversation,

my voice falls on deaf ears.

You are nothing, invisible.

The only time you are seen is

when it’s time to ridicule.

They laugh at my big eyes my cursed skin

Right now I pray god allows me to disappear

I should have never come here what was I thinking?

She loves me with the same level of hate

She screams at me, I scream back.

I cannot take it anymore, my mind is spinning.

This must surely be the start of a breakdown.

I feel like nothing, idol threats of harming me

for minor offenses, all the rage of bitterness.

He kisses me and the cafeteria full of ridiculers fade,

those full lips of reassurance tell me

Your safe with me forever until…

Seasons change, screams of my incapability,

He is her, She is him, it confirms I am unlovable

I sit in a room of silence as he ignores me

He brings me up and then floors me

I beg for his attention I am his slave

begging for my last chance to belong.

It was all a trick, no would ever love me.

Tears of rejection fall on familiar sheets

Their voices scream at me in their absence

Helpless like a small girl of 5 years of age

I feel like nothing all too accustom

to ignored phone calls and unread messages

Silent treatment feels worse than the screams.

He surely broke me with his silence.

As she beat me with her screams,

and they hung me with their ridicule

The falsely beloved martyr

and at my funeral they will say…

They loved me.

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13 thoughts on “A letter to my killers by me

      1. Gotcha! Wow, that was tough…a cycle of abuse, but destroyed through death. I look forward to reading more of your giftings. Hopefully, there a some that are not so dark. Take care lady!🌹

  1. This is powerful… I can relate… I like the lines “silent treatment feels worst than screams” “sure he broke me with his silence”

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