Standing here at this party and I ask myself
Why am I here? You don’t belong.
As I attempt to join the conversation,
my voice falls on deaf ears.
You are nothing, invisible.
The only time you are seen is
when it’s time to ridicule.
They laugh at my big eyes my cursed skin
Right now I pray god allows me to disappear
I should have never come here what was I thinking?
She loves me with the same level of hate
She screams at me, I scream back.
I cannot take it anymore, my mind is spinning.
This must surely be the start of a breakdown.
I feel like nothing, idol threats of harming me
for minor offenses, all the rage of bitterness.
He kisses me and the cafeteria full of ridiculers fade,
those full lips of reassurance tell me
Your safe with me forever until…
Seasons change, screams of my incapability,
He is her, She is him, it confirms I am unlovable
I sit in a room of silence as he ignores me
He brings me up and then floors me
I beg for his attention I am his slave
begging for my last chance to belong.
It was all a trick, no would ever love me.
Tears of rejection fall on familiar sheets
Their voices scream at me in their absence
Helpless like a small girl of 5 years of age
I feel like nothing all too accustom
to ignored phone calls and unread messages
Silent treatment feels worse than the screams.
He surely broke me with his silence.
As she beat me with her screams,
and they hung me with their ridicule
The falsely beloved martyr
and at my funeral they will say…
They loved me.